Another Perspective
by Serpi
Summary: Get a glimpse into the lives of Buffy and Faith from a whole new perspective.
1. Another Perspective

Cats And Pigs Don't Mix

They sat on their custom perch, overlooking the garden before them. No matter what, they never tired of the view; but today, the view was a bit different, not that they weren't used to it, but it was a bit tiring how often their peaceful oasis was disturbed.

"They really need to learn the concept of modesty," the first voice said.

The second rolled his eyes, it wasn't like he hadn't heard it before and answered, "Well, it is their garden ya know." He had a slight lisp.

"SO? They're naked, outside no less. Any perve could spy on them and get their jollies off and they don't even care!" he hissed in outrage.

"Which perves? We're the only perves around for miles you idiot, and we've seen it so often it's lost any and all affect on us anyway."

"Still, they could go get a blanket or something at least," the voice mumbled.

They both looked outside as they watched the two girls out in the garden doing all sorts of wrong things with food. It never ceased to amaze them how creative the two girls could be with food, or any object for that matter, when it came to sex. The blonde would always protest vehemently in the beginning but the brunette would just smirk at her and then the next protest heard would be to not stop and it was a very loud protest at that. Though, they doubted if the girls even knew what the word stop meant.

"You would think with the amount of sex they have, they would be bored by now," the first voice commented.

"Or have done everything at least."

"It's that bloody Faith one, she's a bad influence. I mean, come on, who thinks of a Mars Bar as a sexual item?"

"Hey! You wanna step back there, Buffy's the one that came home with Karma Sutra, all excited about the different positions they haven't done yet."

"Ahh, but Faith's the one who showed her the bloody book in the first place. I doubt very much Buffy would have gone out and got it herself without it being implanted in her brain first."

"Oh, shut up you kiss ass, you just can't accept that your perfect little princess Buffy can have a wild side. I mean, come on, you've seen them have sex countless times and she's always the most vocal when it comes right down to it. Accept it, your little princess likes a good hard fuck." The second looked down at the blonde and started to leer at the view he was given of her ass. The first was suprised he wasn't drowning in his own drool.

"Ssshh, do you need to be so bloody crude about – heck what am I saying? You're Faith's friend; being crude is the only thing you know, And would you stop staring at her ass! It's not gonna magically come off and fly up here with the way you're concentrating so hard on it. Jesus."

"Hey, what can I say? My girl has taught me well; least I don't bottle it all up to end up screaming it loudly for the whole neighbourhood to hear, I'm surprised we haven't had the police around for suspicion of murder the way that girl screams. You would think she was being tortured and not in the good way if you know what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows for affect and sported a familiar smirk.

"FAITH! What are you doing with that whipped cream?" Buffy squealed.

They both looked quickly over at the girls only to see Buffy half covered in whipped cream and Faith only too happy to help her clean it off.

"Look at that, Sly! Ya see, it's all Faith, she's the one that corrupted my girl; she used to be all sweet and innocent and would have blushed at the mention of a kiss and now look at her!" _Poor guy_, thought the second he looked on the brink of tears for the innocence of his girl.

"Gord, are you ever going to remove that fucking stick up your ass? God knows your girl has. You have been going on at me forever about 'perfect Buffy this' and 'sweet innocent Buffy that.' Well, guess what, Gord? She's not sweet, innocent Buffy anymore, she's 'screaming till her throat is raw while being fucked in every way imaginable' Buffy now."

"You're such a pig."

"Ironic. Since last time I checked, you're the one that looked like a pig and a stupid fucking pink pig at that."

"Hey, at least I'm not an idiotic cat with a stupid bloody lisp that can't even catch a flipping canary. It's a bird! In a cage! How the hell can you not catch it? Pick up the cage while he's in it and put it in the oven. Boom! Done dead bird, all nice and roasted, that wasn't hard was it," the pig commented victoriously.

"There is something called finesse you know, where's the challenge in putting the bird in the oven, and I'll have you know that that stupid bird is a slippery bugger that can outthink you any day of the week. And have you seen that granny! She has an umbrella. AN UMBRELLA. You ever been spanked on the ass with an umbrealla? Well, let me tell you it's no picnic in the park."

Gord rolled his eyes.

"What ever you say, cat."

Sly glared at him.

"Anyway, we all know your Buffy isn't good enough for my girl. For years I've had to be there to comfort her after that stupid bitch kept turning her away. Who's shoulder do you think she cried on. Mine. Thats who's. Fucking self-righteous bottle-blonde cheerleader always whining and complaining. I would have expected her head to have fucking exploded by now from that ego of hers, Though from the looks of it, your girl's gonna have my girl's head exploding any minute now." Sly looked on, impressed at the scene in the garden. _I really should have a notepad to take notes when these two get going_, he thought.

"Oh yes, Buffy, right there," Faith moaned.

"What, here?" Buffy asked teasingly.

"Fuck, yes!" Faith screamed.

"WHAT!! Buffy's not good enough for Faith?!? If anyone's not good enough, it's that psycho slut from hell. 'Oh Buffy, I loveeee you. Oh wait, no, I hate you, I'm going to kill you. Oh Buffy, no, I love you really. Oh, is that your boyfriend? Let's go sleep with him.' Bi-fucking-polar much! I mean that's really true love, isn't it? Trying to kill your boyfriend, sleeping with your next boyfriend, then fucking her boss in her own bloody bed. My god, why didn't I think of it before that's really the missing scenes from fucking Romeo and Juliet, isn't it!" Gord panted erratically after his passionate speech.

"There now, didn't that feel better to get that all out? You want a hug."

Sly moved towards Gord to give him a hug, but Gord shoved him away.

"Piss off, you stupid cat. I don't need you to patronize me."

Sly held his hands up and backed away slowly.

"Hey, who said I was patronizing you? Just trying to give a friend some comfort, that's all." The comment was slightly ruined by the permanent smirk Sly had attached to his face.

"Oh, go fuck Daffy Duck; he looks like he could use a good fuck up the ass with all that stress he has going on."

"Nah, he has Elmer for that."

"Shit seriously! How the hell did that happen?"

"Yearly Christmas get-together, let's just say that they both had a few too many tequilas and they ended up in the elevator doing so many wrong things with Elmer's shotgun," Sly said, shivering in disgust. "I'll never be able to look at Duck's beaks the same way ever again."

Gord whistles. "Wooo, you Looney Toons are a wild lot, aren't you?"

"You think we're bad, you should see the Disney guys. Now, they really know the meaning of fucked up I tell ya, God, freaks me out just thinking about it."

"Really, what goes on over there?" Gord looks at Sly curiously.

"Believe me, don't want to fucking know. Give you nightmares just thinking about it, let's just say that Mickey is one fucked up son of a bitch."

"Erm…o…kay."

"What the fuck are those two doing now? The way they get on, you would think that the missionary position is a sin against all that's holy."

Sly and Gord looked down to see Buffy holding Faith against a tree while she periodically reached for the low fat yogurt beside her.

"You know, Faith, I always wanted to know what my two favourite tastes combined will be like, and now I'm going to find out."

"Oh fuck, B!" Faith moaned while squirming against Buffy for some much needed friction.

Buffy tied Faith's hands behind the tree and then started to spread the yogurt all over her body, making sure to get to all the most vital spots of course. Faith moaned under her ministrations, the contrast of the cold yogurt on her overheated skin; it was divine. Buffy grinned as she finished her masterpiece and started to nibble her way up Faith's neck to her ear.

"Happy anniversary, Faithy."

"This is the best fucking anniversary ever, B."

Sly and Gord looked on, wincing as they watched Buffy bite particularly, hard on one of Faith's more vital body parts.

"Happy anniversary, Gord," Sly said while grinning manically at him.

"How the hell I've put up with you for 5 years, I'll never know," Gord protested while rubbing his temples.

"Easy, I have a dazzling personality and a great ass." Which being said, Sly then proceeded to turn round to admire himself.

"Stupid, cat."

"Least I'm not called 'Mr. Gordo,' what the hell kinda name is that for a pig?"

"Least I can pronounce my name S-Y-L-V-E-S-T-E-R," Gordo taunted, dancing around Sylvester, doing some pigged out version of a irish jig.

"Hey, now that's uncalled for! That's a sensitive subject!"

While the cat and the pig continued with their never-ending argument, the blonde and the brunette went on, completely oblivious to their closest childhood friends debate as they played. The two wound up asleep under the stars a few hours later with the silent sentries of the cat and pig watching over them.

Well, as silent as a opinionated pig and dirty-mouthed cat can be.

The End


	2. Unrequited Love

"Ohh look a lolly." Gord declared happily since he doubted he would see food again in a while. Well food that wasn't used in unholy ways at least.

"I'm getting fucking fed up ending up underneath this bed." Sly moaned while looking at the pig wondering for the millionth time why his girl just had to date a girly so and so with a pink pig as a bed companion.

"Ewww so not a lolly, how the hell that end up under here they use it often enough you would think they would notice it went missing." Gord stared at the object and backed away slowly without looking away in case it decided to attack him at some point.

Sly looked at Gord and rolled his eyes.

"We're talking about Buffy and Faith here, they have a whole collection in different colours and sizes, why the fuck would they notice when one went missing."

"I suppose, but still let's not go over there freaks me out how big it is." Gord said while still not taking his eyes of the thing.

"Rine Mr. Prude we'll not go near the big scary dildo." Sly said in a mocking voice while rolling his eyes.

"Hey! I'm not a prude I'm just hygienically conscious that's all, I mean come on you know where that thing has most likely have had been." Gord finally looked away from the dildo satisfied that he was far enough away from it.

"Depends who wore it." Sly said while smirking.

"Disgusting Pig."

"Oh I love it when you talk dirty, come on big boy punish the piggy." Sly then proceeded to bend over while looking back over at Gord.

"Oh god, oh god, way too much, wayyy too much, you hang around with those pervert friends of yours too much." Gord said while covering his eyes up and praying to god for the image of Sly bent over to be burned from his brain forever or to at least be struck down with amnesia all of a sudden.

"Oh you love it. Every time I get back from one of our get together you are just beggin for the latest gossip from the wild depths of cartoon television." Sly stood up after giving another wink at Gord when he peeked out from behind his hand.

"I do no such thing. I don't want to know about your disgusting behaviours." Gord proceeded to look at everything except Sly. And the dildo of course.

"Uh huh keep telling yourself that."

They then started to look around them under the bed while they heard the girls above them moaning and groaning above them doing whatever in god's name they were doing. They both ignored the fact mattress keep hitting their heads every time the girls slammed down on it.

"Oh yes Faith harder I need to feel you all the way baby." Buffy moaned.

"Oh fuck yes B." Faith growled while slamming down harder on Buffy and increasing her rhythm. "Can you feel me now B? Can you feel me deep down?"

"Fuck…" Buffy whimpered into Faith's neck while she started to thrust harder up into Faith.

"You do know almost every cartoon you have probably watched in your pink little existence has a sex back round to it don't you?" Sly asked while wondering why he always! Forgot his damn notebook. _Stuff the notebook I'm getting a fucking camera so I can play back every detail in slow motion heh._

"Don't talk shit, it's just your fucked up imagination that thinks these things are happening."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

"Ok then bring it on." Sly then started to bounce around on the balls of his feet expecting a fight of some sort.

"Erm what." Gord looked at Sly worriedly not knowing whether to defend himself if a fight started or to run away screaming like a girl. Preferably in the opposite direction of the dildo.

"Gimme a cartoon show, any cartoon show and I guarantee you there's something sexual going on in it."

"Anything?" Gord wasn't convinced.

"Yep anything."

"Hmmm, ok then Tom and Jerry I just love it when a cat's put in its place." Gord glared at Sly with a calculating look in his eyes. _Hmm maybe I should take my cues from that mouse. I need to get some rope._

"Oh my god you don't see it!" Gord shook his head in confusion "I mean come on its obvious." Sly stated frustrated.

"Well then please enlighten me."

"Tom is Jerry's bitch." Sly declared smugly.

"What! Where the fuck. You just pulled that outta your ass." Gord protested.

"Nope seriously think about it. Tom gets tied up, he gets spanked, he gets burned, he gets shaved, hell in one episode he even gets branded. Tom is so Jerry's little bitch it's a total BDSM relationship if you ever saw one."

"Nuh uh Tom takes no pleasure in getting tortured so it's not sexual." Gord proclaimed smugly.

"Erm excuse me that shows been going on forever and if you notice no matter how much Jerry punishes Tom he still comes back beggin for more." Sly then proceeded to hump his hips crudely towards Gord while making a grunting sound.

Gordo glared at sly then sat down and started to think back to all the Tom and Jerry episodes he had ever seen, and then noticed one common theme in all of them. He shivered in disgust.

"I hate you cat, you're trying to destroy my innocence one piece at a time!" _Note to self no rope._

"Oh Gord no I would never do such a thing like that to you, you're my little pinky bum." Sly said with a pouting lip that could rival Buffy's.

Gord glared at Sly and Sly just responded with a wink then they both went out from under they're little cavern and checked to see what the girls where up to. It had gone quiet. Far to quiet the girls where up to something, they quickly ducked back in with haunted looks on they're faces.

"Sweet mother of god and all things holy. What in the fuck was that!" Sly said shocked.

"I don't know but it's gonna give me night mares I'm sure of it." Gord sat down and started to rock back and forth with a vacant look in his eyes.

"It looked like a fucking baseball bat." Sly looked over at Gord once again feeling sorry for his poor little innocent mind. _Pfft who am I kidding?_

"Maybe it was a baseball bat."

"Wouldn't put it past those two." Sly then started to measure with his arms a baseball bat then discovered he didn't have enough length so gave up.

"I miss high school Buffy." Gord started to rock harder.

"Oh god no not the sweet innocent Buffy speech again, I've heard it. Multiple times. I don't need to hear it again, I get it, really I do, and Buffy is sweet and innocent and would never do any of these horrid acts if Faith wasn't such a bad influence. Well you wanna explain Spike then?"

Gord stopped rocking and looked up and Sly.

"She was confused?"

"Really. Confusion. That what you're giving me? You could have said she was drunk, she was high, she was under a spell, hell I would have taken magic leprechauns had invaded her head to make her think Spike was actually Brad-fucking-Pitt. But no you give me confusion. Impressive." Sly threw his hands up in the air and started to pace around under the bed once again ignoring the fact the bed kept hitting his head every few seconds.

"Well then you explain psycho Faith then if you're so bloody informed."

"Unrequited love." Sly stated simply

Gord looked at Sly in awe.

"Unrequited love. Unrequited love! That's meant to explain away the murders, the going evil, the holding Willow hostage, the constant trying to destroy Angel, the torture of Wesley. Everything. What kinda fucked up love is that?!?" Gord screamed while standing up to get into Sly's face to drive the point home.

"Erm excuse me have you read any books, People do some pretty fucked up shit for unrequited love. How many books or movies have you seen where people are all like 'If I can't have you nobody can have you' Prime example fatal attraction that woman was crazy she even boiled a child's pet bunny. A bunny. Those cute little furry things, that are all white and soft, and taste so yummy and tender…."Sly started to get a glazed look in his eyes and went off into his own little happy world with bunnies all around. Until Gord started to snap his fingers in front of him clearing his vision to that of a pig. A pink pig.

"Hellooo you in there Sly." said Gord while waving his hand back and fourth in front of Sly.

"What was I talking about?" Sly asked confused

"Erm love."

"Oh yeahhhh." Sly took in a breath to continue his passionate speech about how is girl was in no way crazy. It was just Buffy's fault for being an uptight bitch.

Just then the bottom of the bed cracked and collapsed on top of them crushing them while two naked slayers continued with they're activities hardly even noticing the fact that the bed was destroyed around them and they where crushing their childhood friends.

Sly groaned "Love hurts."

"Hey look B there's that dildo."

The End


	3. Cookie Dough

**Cookie Dough**

"So Elmer says "Bend over Daffy" and Daffy's all like "Erm why you want me to bend over?" and Elmur just looks at him with the is smirk on his face and says "I got this new gun and I wanna see.."

"Oh my God oh my God shut the hell up you disgusting pig!" Gord Screamed while covering his ears in hope of blocking out the thoughts forever.

Sly just looked at Gord a bit pissed of at having to stop his story right when it was getting to the interesting bit as well.

"But you asked me what was going on over at Warner so I was just answering your request it's hardly my fault you can't take it."

Gord stopped hitting his head hopping beyond hope that the thoughts might magically fall out of his ears and glared at Sly.

"For some odd reason I have faith that one day I'll be able talk to you and not be bombarded by nightmarish sexual acts but once again my naivety has shone through."

"Aww its ok some day I'll get that pesky innocence out of you, don't worry you'll be able to handle the full on Warner sex stories some day. Someday I might be able to tell you about Roadrunner and Marvin"

Gord looked at Sly oddly trying for the life of him figure out what the hell those two could get up to but decided it was probably best not knowing. _Those Looney Toon's really do scare me, I can never look at a gun the same way again. _Gord Shuddered.

"Erm im ok thanks. I think ill hold on to this innocence as long as I can."

"But whyyyy it just gets in the way of all the fun." Sly then started to pump his hips and smirk at Gord so he knew just what kinda fun he was referring to.

Gord looked at sly disgustedly. "Your girl has corrupted mine enough for the both of us thank you very much. I need to hold on to some sort of innocence for when she finally see's the light."

"HA like that will ever happen, have you looked at my girl lately cause if you haven't she is fucking hot, like sex on legs, everybody's wet dream, the goddess of all she prevails and if there's one thing she knows how to do to perfection its sex. Nobody's gonna give that up not even your little prissy princess. As the great George Forman say's "She's a lean mean fucking machine" heh heh." Sly punctuated each word with a thrust of his a hips and a smirk aimed Gord's Way.

Gord rolled his eye's at the display. "Pfft shes not that good, my girls had better."

"Uh huh, you know what they say about lying don't you Gord. Makes your dick smaller" Sly looked on unimpressed by Gords declaration.

"Eugh pig"

"Oh yeah baby you wanna hear me squeal?" Sly bended over towards gord and wiggled his eyebrows.

Gord Ignored him and walked away from him on the bed trying to put some distance between him self and the sex crazed cat. _Maybe I shouldn't stand so close to him after all he is one of those Looney Toons who knows what he's done on the sex Richter scale._

"Anywayy Buffy's so had better, Faith is just a drop in the bucket."

"Try the whole fucking ocean." Sly muttered under his breath.

"Angel was her soul mate so it stands that he was the best." Gord nodded to himself satisfied with his sexual logic.

"Erm you talking about the dude that's dead? Which meant she was basically fucking a fish its a crime to fuck dead people ya know its called necrophilia. Plus didn't he have sex with her then run off and start killing and hurting the people close to her and torture her mentally and emotionally until she killed him and sent him to hell?"

"Welll yeah, but that doesn't mean he wasn't good at the sex thing"

Sly crossed hims arms over his chest clearly unimpressed. "Uh huh try again"

"Well Parker.." Gord started.

"Don't even fucking mention Parker if you hope to get anywhere in this argument he was a douche"

Gord grimaced hating to admit to himself that he actually agreed with the cat.

"Ok then how about Riley. He was so good for my girl and he treated her good and was nice and normal."

"I thought he slept with my girl first" Sly asked looking confused. _Nice and normal is just code for bloody boring and he know's it._

"She was in Buffy's body he couldn't help that!!" Gord Shouted at Sly. _He was kinda boring though, Better not tell the Cat that though he'll never let it die._

"For being the person who is supposed to know her so well he's pretty unobservant if he didn't realise she was acting kinda weird. Honestly I bet he was just so fucking excited to get laid he wouldn't have cared if it was a big hairy dude wearing a Buffy mask."

Gord threw his hooves up exasperated. "Okay fine then how about Spike that was some pretty hot sex them two where having all rough and domineering and she kept goin back for more he had to be good at it, he had 120 years of bloody practice"

"Well first off why are we back to the dead fish thing cause that's just gross and unnatural I mean does necrophilia really attract her that much cause if so she has major problems and I'm a bit worried for my girl now in case Buffy might try to kill her now for her sick purposes." Sly Started to rub at his fur incase it was contagious and he could some how magically shake it off. _Eww dead fish that just not right, though that one time buggs went fishing and he...._

"She's not into necrophilia! They where vampires so they were alive. Technically." Gord screamed at Sly cutting off his thoughts.

Sly rolled his eyes. "Yeah technically. Cause that makes up for everything doesn't it. Another thing wasn't she just back from the dead. Heaven to be precise that must have been one major mind fuck, then you have this cocky Billy Idol wannabe come along claiming to love her. When as a vampire with no soul he cant really love. Then he beats the crap outta her which ends up to sex?"

"Well I....I never claimed any of her relationships made fucking sense." Gord was starting to regret bringing this damn topic up. _Why the fuck does he decide today of all day's to be logical?!?_

"Didn't he try to rape her as well?" Sly asked.

"Will you shut the fuck up!" Screamed once again covering up his ears trying to block out the memories of this conversation all together. _Maybe if I hit my head enough a sudden case Of amnesia will happen or at the very least I'll end up killing myself._

"Jesus I was only asking a fucking question. Next time don't bring up a topic if you cant handle the facts" Sly stated exasperatedly.

"Ok fine I fucking admit it when comparing all her past relationships with faith, she seems the most stable." Gord begrudgingly admitted.

"Now don't you feel a hell of a lot better after admitting to that doesn't it make you all warm and gooey inside?" Sly went on like he was explaining to a small child how to brush their teeth.

Gord glared at him hoping to kill him with a look thought it never worked. "Pushing it cat"

"Where are the girls in question anyway I haven't heard anything in a while and I'm getting worried Buffy might have killed faith for her fetish fantasies" Sly looked round expecting them to pop out at any second.

"For the last fucking time she not a necrophiliac!" Gord went up and screamed in Sly's face while poking him in the chest.

"Ok ok Jesus calm down I was only saying."

"Twat. Last I heard I think they where playing about in the kitchen something to do with dough I think." Gord looked at Sly confused. _Wonder what the dough thing was about?_

"Ohh interesting, wanna check it out" Sly wiggled his eyebrows.

"Eh I dunno anytime them two are near food disgusting things tend to happen."

"Och come on there not that bad they have to eat don't they?"

"Ok fine lets take a look" Gord threw up his arms giving in, he was just as curious as Sly. Though he would never admit that to him.

Sly and Gord jumped from the bed and silently made they're way down the hallway with Sly rolling around on the floor the whole way thinking he was Solid Snake. They arrived at the kitchen door deciding to peek around the corner to see what their girls where up to. Since Sly managed to roll in front of Gord he got to peek into the room first. He turned back round to Gord with a haunted look on his face and holding onto his tail like a safety blanket.

Gord looked at Sly confused. "What Sly? What are they doing?"

"Faith....dough...wooden spoon...Buffy." Sly said dazed and unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Oh for christ sake get outta my way you idiot." Gord pushed Sly out of the way and started to peek around the corner to look into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah Faith right there." Buffy breathed out squirming around on the kitchen counter enthusiastically.

"You like this B? You want some more?" Faith teased Buffy

"Oh fuck yes give it to me baby." Buffy screamed out trying to wrap herself around Faith.

Gord turned back round from the corner to share Sly's expression. They both looked at each other horrified at what they had seen.

"Your girl.."

"And your girl.."

"Dough.."

"Spoon.."

"Whisk.."

"I didn't see a whisk" Sly claimed stunned. _What in holy hell. A whisk?!_

"You don't wanna know where it is." Gord shivered.

"Oh fuck" Sly said awestruck about the event's he just witnessed and what his imagination could come up with involving a whisk. _I mean holy Christ. A WHISK!_

"Sly."

"Yeah Gord?"

"I think Geroge Forman was right."

They both looked at each other and promptly passed out.


End file.
